guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
high people should be assigned attendants
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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