So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
