No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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