WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
