maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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