Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
