If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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