You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
