god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
