Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
