remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
