I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize