Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
