I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
