what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
