Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Acid is not a monday night drug
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize