in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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