He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
