She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize