So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
