I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love you. Go after that dick
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
