you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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