saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
