people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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