worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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