i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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