Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
