someone owes me an orgasm
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize