i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
