My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
