Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
