you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
