roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize