I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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