ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
