I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
