Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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