I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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