Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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