Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
