Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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