End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
