i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
