Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
