oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize