Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
