Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am one with the molecules
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
