You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
