I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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