Will you blow on my dice?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
