My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
