Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
