Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
