girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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