Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
