Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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