It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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