I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
