and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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