In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
