i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
