You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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