She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize