I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
