Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
