and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
