A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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