I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
