k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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