Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
