you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
