I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
