my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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