you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
