your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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