I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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