I swear she didn't look like that last week.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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