Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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